A long way to go

So I learned today that I still have so far to go.  I am so easily frustrated by the smallest things.  As the hymn says I am "prone to wander"  It was a long day and I allowed small failures to steal my joy.  I strugsle with wanting so much to live up to peoples' expectations and since I am far from perfect I fail often.  Rather than just serving to Lord with my whole heart and living to please Him and knowing that His favor is mine because Christ pleased Him perfectly on my behalf I try to please lesser masters on my own merit and can't do it.  And the failure eats away at my joy.  Thankfully God's grace is sufficient to draw back even my sinful heart and reset my thoughts.   The list is shorter today not because God was any less good, but because my view of His goodness was dimmed by my sinful attitude.   Praise the Lord that His forgiveness is on this list because I needed it desperatly today!!!

164.  Swiss Cheese
165.  Fresh baked bread
166.  Little Susie visits
167.  Spaghetti and Meatballs with friends
168.  Wednesday gum dealer
169.  Joe's youth group lessons
170.  Lots of Bibles
171.  Laughter
172.  Finding lost stuff
173.  Big brothers in Christ picking on me in love
174.  Sunlight breaking through clouds
175.  The sound of wind rustling through the tree tops
176.  Perfect reflections in still waters
177.  Rippling creek waters
178.  Shirt tag adjusters
179.  Forgetting about the work picnic lunch so its a surprise
180.  God is a good master who doesn't change His expectations
181.  Forgiveness for sins
182.  Wise counsel
183.  Cold lemonade
184.  Realizing when I'm being ridiculous
185.  Puppy dog ears
186.  Piles of sleeping kittens
187.  Canal Fest with the sisters
188.  Crispy Blooming onions
189.  Julia's cell phone
190.  A card in my mailbox

The List continues. . .

Well the day is not over yet but I had a few minutes before heading on to the next activity so it seemed to be a great time to sit and type out the list updates from today so far.  It's amazing during the day to be consciously thinking on thanking God for even the littlest things.  Its even more amazing to know that the list isn't enough, there are still so many things that God does for my good that I don't even catch a glimpse of.  I can't help but think of the promise in Romans 8 that "all things work together for good to those who love God, those who are called according to His purpose" all things.    .    . every moment.   .    . every event.    .     . every cause working to the effect of the good of those who are called.  How sweet it is to be loved by Almighty God

121.  The line crisp where the sky meets the tree tops
122.  Geese waddling down the sidewalk
123.  Bright yellow cars
124.  Being early
125.  Remembering to bring my lunch
126.  Funny morning coversations
127.  Phibo basking in the Sunshine
128.  Slow mornings sipping coffee
129.  Photographs,
130.  The perfect clip art
131.  Smiling flowers
132.  Carlie's story telling laugh
133.  Magnets
134.  Making sound effects
135.  Free lotion
136.  The fruit of the Spirit's not watermelon
137.  Spitting watermelon seeds
138.  Gold and red leaves mingled through the green
139.  Morning fog
140.  The click of teacher shoes
141.  Crisp, Juicy, just a little sour plums
142.  Approved time off for weddings
143.  Helium balloons glistening in fluorescent lights
144.  Drive-in with Betsy
145.  Giant boxes of Cheese its
146.  Rainbow slinky
147.  Unexpected meetings
148.  Rolling chairs
149.  Coffee Smell
150.  Theraflu
151.  Melted mozzarella and soggy croutons in French onion soup
152.  Watermelon Day!!! After thinking about watermelon in the morning so cool!!!
153.  Carpooling with Laura
154.  Sovereignly ordained friendships
155.  C.S. Lewis Quotes
156.  Hot cups of tea
157.  Board games
158.  When songs get stuck in my head
159.  Snapping fingers
160.  Looking Mischievous
161.  New babies and their tiny feet
162.  Black Raspberry preserves
163.  Dinner Invitations

The List

So as has been previously stated I am a terrible blogger, but I have a project to do and some how this seems to be the best place for it. I've been reading a book entitled One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (I haven't finished it yet but I'm getting there) and I've been challenged to focus more on the things I have to thank God for. She speaks of a friend who dares her to come up with a list of 1000 specific things she is thankful to the Lord for. She writes;

"I, too, had read it often, the oft-quoted verse: 'And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ' (Ephesians 5:20) And I, too, would nod and say straight-faced, 'I'm thankful for everything' But in this counting of gifts, to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life. . . I testify: life changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time."

Specific nails of blessings God pours out in abundance. Blessing that could go unnoticed if if not grasped held tight and pounded into the heart with praise to the giver of all good gifts. So the project one thousand gifts.

Why here? Why on a Blog? Simple I am prone to forget to praise the Lord and I need people who are willing to push me. I have an ungrateful heart that needs to be tuned to sing God's praise. I have eyes that are drawn to the cares of this world and do not naturally see the praises of God. So here I am for accountabilty and also to share the awesome things God does. I don't plan on posting everything here cause there's some things on my list the world doesn't need to know (the TMI's of thankfulness that only God should know) and even some of the stuff I do post may make absolutely no sense to those reading. I must say I've had a head start and am posting today from a list that was started before I sat down to type so there's more today all at once than I may post in future installments, but here goes. . .

1. When the sun shines so bright you have to squint
2. Fresh brewed Tim Hortons coffee
3. Crispy cinammon crunch bagels and buttery crescent rolls
4. Good Music
5. Old thank you notes to reread
6. Glitter!!!
7. New dirt smell
8. Quiet moments
9. Customers with British accents
10. Phibo!!!
11. Double Rainbow and Justin Beiber pins from a friend
12. Accidently singing when someone says goodbye on the phone but doesn't hang up
13. New Englanders saying "car"
14. Good news texts
15. Egg rolls and Lo Mein
16. Chinese Tupperware containers
17. When God's providence is obvious
18. How eating with chopsticks makes food last longer
19. Finding the perfect greeting card
20. Shiny colored straight pins
21. Having a laugh that makes other people laugh
22. Mommy
23. Tape dispensers full of sticky scotch tape
24. Rollerball pens
25. When people tell me to tie my shoes
26. Breaktime walks
27. My blue desk fabric
28. Laura Story's lyrics
29. 64 packs of crayola crayons
30. Oh the deep deep love of Jesus
31. Cow bells
32. When people with Spanish last names speak Russian
33. Headphones
34. A King on a throne full of power
35. Bursting out laughing
36. Chelsea being all Chelsea-like
37. Singing along with the TV
38. Little steaks
39. Finding perfectly good chairs by the dumpster
40. Warm evening walks
41. Unexpected texts from friends
42. Joy in the morning
43. Peace that passes understanding
44. Birds chirping and Geese honking in the morning
45. Tulip petals
46. The cadillac of coffee makers
47. When God works through me to help someone else
48. Milk in individual containers
49. A day of rest
50. That joy is commanded so obedience to the command is possible in Christ
51. When Scripture comes to mind
52. World wide prayer warriors
53. Pandora Radio
54. Serve the LORD with fear and trembling Psalm 1:11
55. Being found
56. Grocery stores
57. When I get jokes way after I should
58. Mercy running rampent
59. Gummy worms
60. Almond joy coffee creamer
61. Hymns with substance
62. Thinking about camp
63. When Phibs knocks the guitar over and scares himself
64. Getting up early (I should try to remember I like this)
65. That God out of His mere good pleasure from all eternity chose me
66. Strength to breath today
67. How God is ever present
68. Hope
69. Mr Alberts stories
70. Everything starting at 6:30
71. Camera phones
72. Strong arms
73. E-mail
74. When other people start conversations
75. Car passing inspection
76. Windshield wipers
77. A good nights sleep
78. Hot showers
79. Elevators waiting for you
80. Free canned goods
81. Singing with Julia
82. Hearing how God is working in others
83. The dishwasher
84. Giant bags of ravioli
85. Abundant life
86. Rainbows
87. The Frog Prince
88. Love will not cease at the end of time
89. Sweatshirts
90. When chores actually get done
91. Belonging to the LORD
92. Fresh cut grass smell
93. That I don't have to mow my lawn
94. The LORD rejoicing over me with singing and quieting me with His love
95. Casual Days
96. Reese's Peanutbutter Cups
97. Back pockets
98. Warmer weather
99. Chasing Cadence
100. When people understand what I'm saying
101. Sun rises
102. Fresh notebooks
103. Friends that care about me
104. Michelle's texts
105. Camp Facebook event page
106. In the middle of my little mess remembering how big I'm blessed
107. Grand plans
108. Grilled cheese and tomato soup
109. Threshhold of eternity
110. God's suffient grace
111. Vows that are kept
112. Knowing that I'm loved
113. Chipotle
114. Surprises
115. Flashes of Brilliance
116. God is everything that He says He is
117. Joy that is deeper than tears
118. Fabric softener
119. Long, deep, conversations
120. Resolved chords

Anybody Want a peanut

Anyone who knows Princess Bride (AKA The Best Movie of all Time) knows that the title of this post is the second part of the title of my last post which means (drumroll please) MORE RANDOM POEMS :) Here goes. . .

The Deeps

Verse 1
Give me a deeper
A deeper dread of sin
Give me a deeper
Repentance within
Help me sin to flee
And resolve in my heart
To be Thine alone
Set apart for Thee

Chorus
Plow deep in me great Lord
Break the stoney soil of my heart
Plant Thy roots of grace in me
Never to depart
Give me a deeper need of Thee

Verse 2
Give me a deeper
A deeper trust in Thee
Help me to lose myself
And be found in Thee
Give me a deeper
Knowledge of my King
Master, Saviour, Lord
You're everything

Verse 3
Give me a deeper
A deeper time of prayer
Give me a deeper
Faith to know You're there
Help me in Your Word
To taste sweet delight
And for Your Truth to hunger
Day and night.

Cabin Clean-up :)
(First Poem at Otyokwah)
Twas the first day of camp
At a brand new place
And there seemed to be some shock
Without drawers in the space.

So to make sure you all know
What we inspectors inspect
We thought we'd write a poem
Telling you what we expect

Dirty clothes bags should be stowed
Not hung, but under beds
Either line your shoes by the bunks
Or in a design be creative use your heads

Bags should be zipped up
And wet towels should be outside
But don't leave them out forever
Bring them in when they have dried

Your beds should all be made
That you should already know
Lights should be turned off
And garbage emptied before you go

If there's a wrapper on the floor
You should throw it away
But since vacumns are scarce
Tiny stuff won't ruin your day

And one more thing to add
A brand new rule today
In the bathrooms nothing should be left
Or it will be taken away

To get anything back from us
You'll have to beg and plead
So putting your stuff away
Will save you some trauma indeed

(The Great Mouse Caper- To the tune of We Three Kings)
The Senior boys in Cabin Red
About these guys what can be said
They left a note about their pet's weight
I should have ran then,
But I walked in their gate

A bed unmade was what I saw first
I hoped that it would be the worst
Alas these boys had torture in store
The likes of which this inspector
Had not seen before
OOOOH-OOOOOH
I looked behind that wooden board
Then yelled and ran back out the door
Those boys thought it would be a delight
To leave a dead mouse to give me a fright.

Eyes to See Your Praises

Verse 1
When I look into a sunset
Standing by the ocean shore
When I hear the waves crashing
Let me praise You more and more
In the wonders of creation
Let me see Your awesome power
Give me eye to see Your praises
And the blessings that You shower

Chorus
Give me eyes to see
All You do for me
Give me lips to sing Your praise
Let me delight in You
Live my life for You
Glorify You all my days
All my days

Verse 2
When I was against You
Lord You chose to break my heart
You sent Your Son to sacrifice
Forgiveness to impart
In the mercy of redemption
Let me see Your loving hand
Give me eyes to see Your praises
Be the Rock on which I stand

Verse 3
On the days when I am weary
Lord You give me peace and rest
When I don't understand it
You're still doing what is best
And in my storms and struggles
Let me see Your sovereignty
Give me eyes to see Your praises
And a heart that trusts in Thee

Verse 4
When I gaze into Your glory
No more sin to cloud my view
When I stand there in Your presence
Fill my voice with praises new
And in the realms of heaven
Let me see You face to face
Give me eyes to see Your praises
Let me revel in Your Grace

Stop that rhyming I mean it!!

Ok so if you know me at all you probably know I'm a bit obsessed with rhyming. I like writing poetry,rewritting song lyrics and all that jazz. I've never really had much of this written in the same location and since some of it is stuff I'd like to be able to find again I'm going to start loading it here. If you like random rhymes then enjoy, if you don't feel free to ignore. Here's a start:

To the tune of Kung Fu Fighting:
Everybody is chip, chip dipping
Real food we will be skipping
And our pants just might be ripping
Cause for dip we'll all be flipping

The Benefits of You

Verse 1
So often I forgot
What God has done for me
I look around and only
See the enemy
The wind and waves come crashing down
And my heart dissolve with fear
If only I'd remember
That my Lord is near

Chorus
Let me not forget
The benefits of You
Jesus heal my heart
And forgive my sins anew
And when the rain comes pouring down
And I don't know what to do
Lord please let me not
Forget the benefits of you

Verse 2
Oh Lord you have saved me
From the pit my soul redeemed
Given love and mercy
More than I had dreamed
You hold Your anger
Back from me
And love me as Your child
Oh help me Lord to not forget
That on me You have smiled

Verse 3
Though I am weak like grass
By the wind I'm torn away
Your covenant will last
And Your love on me will stay
Oh may I bless You Lord
With all that is in me
Oh may I bless You Lord
For all eternity

Shaken not Stirred

So yesterday was my church's Ladies Christmas Party. I've got to say it is probably my favorite event of the holiday season. When else do almost all the ladies of the church get together for fun and fellowship? What a delight!! This year was no exception. Before braving the winter cold I spent the day at home trying to make Flan. Being a culinary novice it was more of an adventure than it should have been. I learned that sticking your finger into boiling caramel is not only dumb its painful (Don't try it at home kids), but after starting over once, then breaking the Flan in half, and piecing it back together again I was set to go.

I was very thankful to carpool over to the party. Not only is carpooling one of the best things ever!! Laura's snow tires are so much better than my "we may be completely flat at any moment because we hate you" tires. Ok maybe my tires are inatimate object not capable of hating me, but sometimes it seems like they do.

The party itself consisted in a buffet of incredible food since the cooks at my church are second to none, music including a flute duet which made me wonder if it would be possible to sing Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silent as a round because they played a verse that way and it was lovely. There was also a devotion that really hit home.

The speaker talked about Mary's response to the announcement that she would bear a Son conceived by the Holy Spirit and how her response revealed what was in her heart. She challenged us to think on how we would've responded and how we do respond when we're shaken in this life? How do we respond to the stresses that come in and press us? She brought out a minature well and asked us if the bucket was lowered into the well what would it draw out. The first response was (you guessed it) Water!! To which responded "What else?" so the guessing continued "Mud" "Leaves" "Dirt" "Dead Bugs" (that was mine:) "Dead frogs" Before the guessing descended any further into the realms of "gross things you find in wells" She asked how would we sum all of that up and the answer was "Whatever is in the well" Whatever is in the well will come out of it. It was a great visual of "Out of the depths of the heart the mouth speaks." When we are shaken whatever is in us is what will come out.

I was definetely challenged by this thought. So often my responses do not show a heart that loves the Lord and loves my neighbor, but a heart that loves my own way. I grumble and complain when I should be full of thanksgiving and joy. Instead of seeing my responses as they really are, sinful out pourings from a sinful heart, I try and excuse them by saying things like " Its just stress" The stress isn't the cause, the stress just reveals what is already there. So what's the cure. A change of the heart and no one changes the heart but the Lord of the heart? As the Psalmist writes "Create in me a clean heart Oh God and renew a right spirit within me!"

Following the Fad

So as I'm sure you can tell from my posts so far I am not a good Blogger. However blogging seems to picking up steam among my friends and I figured "Hey why not try again." So here I am months from my last post, don't get your hopes up because I may not post again for another 7 months :) I like reading friend's Blogs because it wouldn't be a stretch to say that I'm straight up nosy I want to know where people are, what they're doing, how their lives are going. I've told people in the past I stalk because I care :)

These past few months since my last Blog have been a whirlwind. There have been exceedingly good times and times when it's seemed like the world was crashing down at my feet. Through it all though my thoughts and emotions have gone to every extreme there has been one constant, the Lord. Though sometimes His presence has seemed distant and out of reach He is still as the Psalmist writes "An ever present help in time of trouble."

Here's a passage from the book this Blog was named for that has helped me really consider the reality of God's Love. It come at a point when Katy (the writer) has been struggling with a tremendous heart break and goes to see her Pastor (Dr Cabot) not even knowing why she goes:

"I am very glad to see you, my dear child," he said.
I had intended to be very dignified and cold. As if I was going to have any Dr Cabots undertaking to sympathize with me! But those few kind words just upset me and I began to cry.
"You would not speak so kindly," I got out at last, "if you knew what a dreadful creature I am. I am angry with myself, and angry with everybody, and angry with God. I can't be good two minutes at a time. I do everything I do not want to do, and do nothing I try and pray to do. Everybody plagues me and tempts me. And God does not answer any of my prayers and I am just desperate."
"Poor child!" he said, in a low voice, as if to himself. "Poor, heart-sick, tired child, that cannot see what I can see, that it's Father's loving arms are all about it!"
I stopped crying, to strain my ears to listen. He went on-
"Katy, all that you say may be true. I daresay it is. But God loves you. He loves you."
"He loves me," I repeated to myself. "He loves me. Oh, Dr Cabot, if I could believe that! If I could believe that after all the promises I have broken, all the foolish, wrong things I have done, and shall always be doing, God perhaps still loves me!"
"You may be sure of it," he said solemnly. "I, his minister, bring the gospel to you today. Go home and say over and over to yourself, 'I am a wayward, foolish child. But He loves me! I have disobeyed and grieved Him ten thousand times. But He loves me! I have lost faith in some of my dearest freinds and am very desolate. But He loves me! I do not love Him, I am even angry with Him! But He loves me!"
I came away, and all the way home I fought this battle with myself, saying, "He loves me!" I knelt down to pray, and all my wasted, childish, wicked life came and stared me in the face. I looked at it, and said with tears of joy "But He loves me!" Never in my life did I feel so rested, so quieted, so sorrowful, and yet so satidfied."