After all the craziness of moving came Sunday. I love Sundays. I’ve always loved Sundays for as long as I
can remember. To me Sundays are like a
glimpse of heaven. A day set aside for
worship, a pastor preaching from the very word of God, singing glorious words
in harmony with God’s people, fellowshipping together. With a crazy Saturday and all the busyness of
the move and all the changes I needed Sunday and I wasn’t completely ready for
it. Are we ever really ready to meet
with God?
I’m an emotional person and it ended up being an emotional
day. In choir we were practicing a song
I have sung many, many times before called “Behold the Man.” We’re preparing it
for the Good Friday service at church and really it’s not a song I ever thought
would make me want to weep. This time
however singing it a line struck me in a way it had never before. It was a quote from Isaiah 53:3 “. . . Man of
Sorrows, acquainted with grief” As I sang those words I could feel that lump
forming in my throat. To think of Christ, the perfect sinless son of
God who deserved to be worshipped and adored, being the Man of Sorrows who knew
grief intimately.
The thought struck me so directly because with all the joys
of the changes in my life right now and really over the past few years there
have been sorrows too. There has been
grief that’s real and deep and hard. There were moments during the move that I
wanted to cry because there were some really wonderful times in the apartment
and leaving those behind was a struggle, and even though I am thrilled with the
blessings that come with moving back home I had different expectations for the
course my life would take. I firmly
believe God is in control in my life and has planned the days ahead of me. Yet there is grief caused by “hopes deferred”
Well after those thoughts flooded in, a couple other things
came up as rehearsal continued and I eventually had to step out for a few minutes
and lay on a floor and weep and talk to my God.
It was so sweet to know I was talking to my God who is acquainted with
sorrows, He knows what grief is, He knows that in the midst of this world
wrecked by sin sometimes we long just to be in His arms, just to crawl into His
lap and tell Him what our heart desires are, to beg Him for strength to face
the day, for forgiveness for all the times we fail, for grace that’s sufficient
in our weakness.
It wasn’t a long time of grief, and the Lord gave joy and
laughter quickly. I mean really how many
people over the age of five end up sobbing on the floor in church? Of course there were moments that followed of
laughter at that ridiculousness. I mean
really I’m 32 shouldn’t I wait to get home and cry on my own floor? However
there is a time to laugh and a time to weep.
I am thankful that have a God who understands my tears, who holds them
in a bottle, who lets me call Him Abba, who knew grief Himself so I could know
His joy.
<3 :)
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