Roller Coaster Ride

I tried very hard not to have many expectations going into camp.  Really because having expectations that aren’t met has been something that I’ve struggled with over the past few years.  Somewhere in Proverbs its says the hope deferred makes the heart sick and hoping for things that are part of my own vision of what “should” be often does that.  It has made me anxious and terrified and angry and lonely.  So one of my goals with camp was to avoid those expectations getting in the way of whatever camp reality looked like.

Boy am I glad I didn’t try to figure out what it would be like before I got here.  Already it has been one new, unexpected thing after another.  A new bed to learn to fall asleep in (New white noise and all), new people from different places and different points in life, new tasks (I finally know how to fold a sweatshirt!!!)  So much newness in every aspect of life and the kids haven’t even arrived yet.

It’s felt like a roller coaster ride for much of the ten days that I’ve been here.  There has been the thrilling joy of friendship and of being useful in work in a way that I haven’t been for a long time.  There has been the heart racing trips uphill wondering if I’m doing things the way they should be done, wondering if my mouth is open more than it should be, if I’m to open or not open enough.  Also there’s the spinning, upside down awesomeness of laughter and conversation and diving headfirst into the Word and service. 

Sometimes it’s hard to catch my breath.  Sometimes it’s tempting to feel like the work ahead is too big and beyond what I can do.  The truth is, it is beyond what I can do.  It is beyond what any of these amazing people that I’m growing to love can do.  However, it is not too big for my God to do.  He is strong enough to encourage us in our weariness, to be our strength when we have none, to work in the hearts and minds of all the young people that will cross the threshold of this camp.   The campers start to roll in tomorrow and I absolutely cannot wait to see how the Lord will work in them and in me too.  I don’t have expectations for what He will do because my expectations are never big enough, His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways.  My ways would never have brought me here and I need to be here. 

If you think of it pray for our campers, my fellow staff and for me too!!