Whoa two posts in one day!!
Is that even allowed?!? I’m sure
I must be breaking some sort of blogging protocol by not posting for weeks and
then posting twice in one day. However
it can’t be helped I wrote the other post and then realized it was Wednesday
and I knew I wanted to write on Writer Wednesday about a tiny book I’ve been
reading. It’s seriously a very little
book the Introduction starts on page 5 and ends on page 73, its about 6 inches
tall and 4 inches wide and the font is not small. Needless to say it’s not a difficult
book to finish, but there’s a lot of really good stuff packed in. It’s by Nancy Leigh DeMoss who is easily one of my favorite authors. In her books she covers so many topics that
are so good for women to meditate on and grow in. I have been thankful for the ways her writing
has challenged me to draw nearer to the Lord, to confront sins in my life and
to work diligently toward becoming a godly woman.
This particular book is one I bought a while back because it
was super cheap and then decided I didn’t want to read it right then. It’s called “Singled Out for Him: Embracing
the gift, the blessings and the challenges of singleness” I didn’t read it
right away because sometimes I just don’t even want to think about being
single. Sometimes studying even good resources
about singleness can leave me so focused on my marital status so that I can
become discontent with it just because I think about it too much.
However in picking up this tiny book I was thankful for the
way she dealt with the topic and there was a lot in the book I wanted to make
sure people know. Not just single women,
but also marrieds who have single women that they interact with. I know it’s important for me to have people
to come alongside as encouragers and have people willing to keep me accountable
to living in a godly way.
The book is
structured into 10 commitments that singles can follow to honor God in this
season of life. I want to look at a few
of them here that stood out to me. The
first was “I am committed to receiving singleness as a gift from God” In this
chapter she talks about seeing singleness itself as a gift not the lack of a
gift. I love giving gifts, I love trying
to decide what would be a blessing for the recipient . I see gift giving as an opportunity to show
the person I’m giving to that I love them, that I pay attention to the things
they like or need. If I delight so much
in giving good gifts, how much more does God delight in giving good gifts. If I am capable of observing what gift will
make someone in my life smile or fulfill some need they have how much better is
God who has searched me and known me at giving the perfect gifts. Ms. DeMoss writes
“I am not single by accident. I am not single because the “right man” has never asked me to marry him. I am not single because I have made up my mind not to marry. Rather I am single
because God has chosen for me the gift of singleness. I believe that I am single according to the perfect will and purpose of God. I have no way of knowing how long He will give me this gift or whether He will ever chose to give me the gift of marriage. I do not know whether it is His will for me to be single in five years. But I do know that it has been His will to this point in my life.”
Seeing
singleness as a gift chosen in love by my heavenly Father is such a wonderful viewpoint
and something I was to commit to. Once
we see something in life as a gift it opens up the option to thank Him for it
and use it well.
“Those singles whose lives are characterized by chronic loneliness probably have not discovered their place in the Body of Christ. The fact is, we are not alone. We are a part of an incredible family of faith. And that family includes far more than just other singles! You and I are called to function within the broader context of the family of God.
One of my concerns about church programs designed solely for singles is the danger of isolating singles from the broader Body. I believe God intends for our lives and gifts to operate within the sphere of the whole Body- young and old, married and single. Those who interrelate only with others whose needs and interests are similar to their own are far more vulnerable to the crippling, deadly effects of selfishness.”
I’ve seen
this in my own life where the people was
closest to in church were other singles, that became especially hard as they
started to get married and I didn’t. Not
only did those relationships change, but I saw people in the church, married
couples and families reaching out to them as new couples in ways that they had
never reached out to me (or even my friends when they were single) To me it felt like there was some barrier keeping
me outside full membership in the Body because I’m still single. (In reality I think it was just that people could
clearly see the opportunity to encourage and come alongside a new couple and
that is not a bad thing.)
Realizing that
I don’t have to wait for families to reach out to me in order to be involved in
their lives has been a huge help to me.
It’s still a struggle sometimes to figure out how I fit in to church
life, but I’m learning. In the chapter
Ms. DeMoss also writes:
“On a practical note , I have known single men and women who would love to spend time with families and become resentful when families don’t think to reach out to them (Um been there done that) My personal experience is that most married couples are not aware of the value of including singles in the life of their family and therefore generally don’t take the initiative to do so. So my challenge to singles is this: Don’t be afraid to reach out to families! Look for ways to initiate relationships with children, young people, and couples as well as older people who are alone and in need of families”
She went on
to gives some exceedingly practical ideas on how to do that, which was so
helpful. I am not a super great relationship
initiator, I won’t invite myself over to your house for dinner unless I’ve
known you forever and even then I prefer to drop hints about how great your
cooking is. However her ideas included
going to kid’s ball games or concerts, sending notes of encouragement, inviting
kids to come run errands, looking out for opportunities to meet needs. She also gave the reminder that being a part
of a family is a blessing, but it’s also a lot of work. There has to be a commitment to keep up with
people, to reach out to people, to sacrifice for their good. It’s my responsibility to come alongside
families and interact with them and love on them.
“If God has chosen me for a life of singleness, then I will delight in His goodness and His ability to meet all my needs, and I will seek to cultivate a relationship with Him that will cause others to thirst for Him”
God is
enough to meet every need I have and He loves me perfectly. My relationship with Him is more important
than any other relationship I will ever have.
I need to trust Him fully to do what is best in my life and know that He
is able to “satisfy the deepest needs and longings in my heart” She writes;
“That is why I am committed to letting Him choose for me what gifts I will have, and to embrace His choices with all my heart. I will not spend my life pining away for something He has not chosen for me. I choose to be content with His choice for me and refuse to give in to a spirit of discontentment. I chose to be His glad servant and let Him take and use my life in whatever way will please Him most.
For whatever period of time I am single, by God’s grace, I want to be totally His in body, soul and spirit. I want to know Him, to love Him, and to glorify Him in our world. I want to live each day in His presence living for His pleasure. . . ”
Marriage is
a good thing, it’s a blessing and it’s something that I still do long for, but
it is not the supreme thing. A right
relationship with the Lord is the supreme thing, and His glory is my chief end.
I am thankful to be able to have this
little book as a reminder of the blessing singleness can and should be.
