Singled Out

I’m a single 32 ½ years old woman who sometimes feels like throwing the TV through the window when she hears the all too familiar “Every kiss begins with Kay” jingle.  Around Christmas time being single can be more of a struggle than normal.   Everything from seating at parties, to couples holding hands in the mall, to laughing children excited about the bright lights hanging everywhere is a potential trigger for that sinking feeling that sometimes comes along with being single in what too often feels like an ocean of couples and families. 

The other night an unexpected reminder popped into view.   I had a momentary lapse into letting that feeling, the self-pity, and the pain of wanting, take over my thoughts.  I started to forget the joy and freedom I’ve had so far on this new journey.  However I have absolutely no intention of going down that path, there will be no drowning of sorrows with ice cream, and no pity party of one reservations at my dinner table.   Instead I am drawing up a battle plan and declaring war against these thoughts that come with the intent of stealing my joy.

The question then is how do I battle against thoughts?  Should I stop wanting marriage and kids?  I don’t think so.  Those are good desires to have and working to become the type of woman who would be a good wife and mother has helped me grow in other areas of my life.   If the answer is not to give up the longing then what is it? 

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing EVERY THOUGHT INTO CAPTIVITY to the obedience of Christ” Every thought can be brought into captivity, every thought can be forced into obedience!!  Even the thoughts that catch me off guard, even the thoughts that fill my eyes with tears, even the thoughts that urge me to become angry or envious, none of these thoughts is strong enough to stand against the weapons that the Lord provides me as His child.

One such weapon He has provided is the ability to see singleness as a gift from Him and accept it with thankfulness.  While there are struggles I face that are particular to being single there are also wonderful blessings that are a part of this time. I’ve spent some time thinking about what a few of those blessings are and thought I would share them here.  I have a few single friend around that might need the reminder and a few married friends that might be willing to remind me if I need it.  Here’s a bit of my list.

1.   The ability to say yes to things- without kids and a husband to care for I am able to say yes to a lot more things.  Things like ministry opportunities,  extra time with friends etc.

2.   Freedom-  I have the opportunity to take time to figure out what to do next without being tied down to one area or the financial responsibilities that come with children

3.   Sharing other people’s kids- While I would love to be a mother and have my own kids there is something incredibly special about being Miss Sarah (or Tia Sahrita as my one dear little friend says) I get to be a part of a lot of families and love on a lot of different kids more fully than I would if I had to focus on my own.  I’ve been a counselor, a coach, an adopted aunt, a teacher and a friend to many children and young people over the years.  I am so thankful for the opportunities the Lord has given me to be a part of their lives and come alongside their parents as a help.  Also you can buy presents with much more liberty as an auntie than you ever should as a parent.  I love shopping for these kiddos!!

4.   Time- I have more time than most wives an mother’s.  Time that it is sometimes easy to waste, but is often an asset I can use to focus on the things of the Lord,  to rest and prepare for the next adventure, to do things that I love and enjoy.  Having time that is unclaimed by the wants and needs of another person is a blessing.

5.   Grocery shopping is so much better without kids!- I love grocery shopping and most mothers I know despise the task.  I can walk into a grocery store without concern for little hands grabbing shiny things from shelves, without thinking “What would my husband want for dinner?  What will the kids willingly eat”  I can wander through the aisles without a car in the world and never have to share my dark chocolate pomegranate seeds.                                                                        

The list is longer than this, but it’s a start I’m sure it is one that many of you can add to.  At the end of the day being content with whatever state I am in is something that can and should be done, but to do it takes focus.  It is a decision to turn my eye from the blemishes that seem to mar the landscape that is life and turn my eye instead toward the beauty.  Both are always there ready and waiting to be seen.