'Cause you had a bad day

Have you ever had a bad day?  Sometimes I have bad days.  A lot of bad days I can point to the things that went wrong, I missed my morning coffee (You saw that one coming right?), the car had a flat tire, I wore my shirt inside out and some cute guy was the first to notice.  Those days when I know why I feel lousy, when I know what went wrong are the easy bad days.  It doesn’t mean I should be upset and frustrated with all the little things that went wrong, but it helps to know how I got there.  If I know why a bad day is bad there’s hope that tomorrow I can do better.  Hope that I can fix whatever it was that went wrong or hope that I can learn to react better to all those outside things that could push me into bad day territory.

Then there are those bad days when nothing went wrong, but it feels like everything did.  It feels like you hit some sort of invisible wall and everything hurts. Every breath takes effort.  Your heart beats too fast and the worst part is you don’t know why.  Nothing is any different than yesterday, but somehow yesterday was full of rainbows and butterflies and today is.    .    . well I can’t think bad enough image to be the opposite of a rainbow.   .  . maybe smelly gym socks. 

On those days I find myself asking “What’s wrong with me?”  Everything was fine and now it hurts to breath.  I’ve found that on those days I remember my weaknesses.  In talking through what I’m thinking and feeling I usually realize that everything wasn’t really fine on the rainbow days.  That invisible wall I ran into wasn’t one that sprang out of nowhere.  It was a wall that was built.  Sometimes it’s a wall of guilt built out of mistakes I’ve made and wicked things I’ve done.  Sometimes it’s a wall of all those little things that I thought I could handle on my own, but really couldn’t.  Sometimes it’s a wall of fears about the future, or now, or the unknown.  Sometimes it’s a wall of worry, worries for the people I love who or going astray, worries for myself.   A lot of things can be used to build walls but eventually I always hit that wall. 

On those bad days instead of asking that question “What’s wrong with me?”, which can often lead to more bricks being thrown in the wall as I decide whether or not I’m hopelessly neurotic, I need to start asking the question “Where did this wall come from?”  As much as I struggle to understand why I feel the way I do there’s usually a reason for it.  Sometimes the reason is as simple as it’s the middle of winter and I miss the sun.  Sometimes the reasons are a bit more complex like “I quit my job and I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, and I have to move, and I have so much junk, and I might have an interview for a job I really want next week but I don’t know yet, and I need a 50’s dress, and I’m super selfish most of the time and I don’t want to be and .    .   .”

So yeah I hit a pretty big wall, not all the bricks were bad things.   As hard as being an emotional person can be sometimes I’m thankful that tears can be a reminder to stop and to look around at what is happening in my life and recognize that I cannot deal with any of it on my own.  Thankfully I don’t have to deal with it all on my own.  I’ve been promised that the Lord’s grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in weakness.  I need bad days to remember how much I need His grace for every single breath. 

I know I won’t always have a good perspective of every bad day.  I know I’ll need to be reminded again and again to find out where the wall came from and reminded again to seek the sufficiency of God’s abundant grace. But right now in this moment I’m thankful for bad days, I’m thankful to be reminded of my weakness, I’m thankful for the people God used today to remind me of the blessings in my life, and to tell me not to be discouraged, I’m thankful for all the promises God himself gives, thankful that He is near to the broken hearted, thankful that He hears the cries of His children.  Bad days happen.  Bad days are hard, but they can and will be used for my good even when they are days I don’t understand.  

On the days when I am weary

Lord, you give me peace and rest

When I don’t understand it

You’re still doing what is best

And in my storms and struggles

Let me see your sovereignty

Give me Eyes to see your praises

And a heart that trusts in Thee